I talk to many women about their pussies and sexual liberation stories over the years. The more they share with me, the more I highlight my own reasons for starting not just a Yoni practice in my life but also a Yoni business. I had no idea that a sexual blockage in my partnership would have led me up this path. Here is a little of my story.
I began my Yoni Egg practice about six years ago as a means to connect more sexually with my partner at the time. I was opening myself up to the Goddess path and was relinquishing the hold I was feeling from the male patriarchal god religion. This was important to me because I needed to release my negative feelings as it pertained to sex and sensuality through my existential belief in male patriarchal god. I knew that I was a good sexual performer for my partner and past partners. I knew what he liked and how to do it, however, I did not know or knew at that time was that I was completely disconnected from my sensuality and sexuality as it pertains to my comfort level and what I liked. By that time, my whole perspective of my sexual being was for the consumption of my male partner(s). I had the Madonna/Whore complex and it was tearing me apart inwardly. I could not find the balance of being the "Good Girl" and being the "Big Ole Freak".
As I was learning more about the Goddess, I wanted to be liberated and free in my ability to give and receive sex without remorse. I was familiar with Rose Quartz crystals and felt that a yoni egg Rose Quartz would help me open up with myself and my partner. I ordered my egg and waited anxiously for it to arrive. As soon as it was delivered I immediately prepped it for insert. I did not know what to expect, however, I was open and willing to receive what I thought would be the road opener for a fully enjoyable sex life actually led me to liberation from my own fears and inhibitions. The first initial day I did not "feel" anything different, I did feel the egg inside me. I was more aware of my vaginal area with the egg inside me.
After a few days of wearing the egg for a few hours a day, I started to feel discouraged. I was not "feeling" like this richly embodied sex goddess that I expected the egg to do for me. Thinking I was doing something wrong, I went back to Yoni Grace's Youtube Channel and found more videos of Yoni Breathing and Yoni Yoga. I was already familiar with the breathing techniques and Yoga positions so I decided to allow my yoni practice to add the breathing and yoga techniques. While doing the Yoni Breathing with my egg inside me, I started to feel a physical tightness in my vaginal space, I initially wanted to write this off, yet my intuition would not allow me to; I decided to explore the feeling. I left that meditation realizing my issue with my connection with my partner was really my disconnection with myself.
The Rose Quartz amplified the internal feelings that I buried away about my truths of being female, sensuality, and sex. I discovered that I lacked compassion for myself because I numbed myself from feeling not just my "negative" emotions but positive emotions too. As I continued with my daily yoni practice I began to unearth my fears and the "walls of protection" I built to cover up my fears and what I felt was inadequate about me. I discovered that I hid behind creating or becoming a partner's fantasy versus unpacking what I actually liked and felt comfortable as it pertained to me enjoying the experience too. I liked sex, but I did not like that I was only a performer; I actually wanted to be an active participant in the fullness of myself with no judgment. I found that I judged myself for wanting to experience sex on my terms, and thus sentenced myself to only focus on what the partner could get out it. Most of my sexual experiences has been on the basis of what the other wanted, regardless if I was truly comfortable or not in "doing" or performing the acts.
As I continued to explore myself, I found my authentic sensual voice. My yoni practice led me to realize I was in a self inflicting sexual trauma experience that began from my existintial belief system and societal norms as to what others said what a women was or how she should be. I am grateful for my path and the liberation I feel in being all of me. I no longer feel the need to "perform" but instead my story is now about me being an active participant in giving and receiving sensuality. I wanted to be free with myself and tell my partner exactly what I liked and how I wanted it to be done. I no longer had separate my identity as a "good girl" and the woman who enjoys sex on her terms.
What started as a means to connect better with my partner led me to explore my own inhibitions to sex, female genitals, and sexuality. I had no idea that my intentions would be so freeing and honest to me experience freedom. To start a new path to self discovery and healing your own sensual story purchase your yoni egg here!
Please share your story with sensual healing through self discovery below! I look forward to hearing from you!